I'll be honest. Lately, I've let negativity and difficult trials overcome me.
They began to steal my joy.
I'm researching a deeply intense topic for my senior thesis that is plainly just not easy to swallow.
The statistics and evidence of the young girls and women who are enslaved in the sex industry today are appalling and as a young woman...well, truly it's just exasperating.
Then there is school. It's my senior year- which means a LOT of work. Honestly, a lot more than I was initially expecting. The positive side is I love the 3 classes I am taking and I am really enjoying integrating into my internship. I'm thankful for a semester where I have the privilege of studying new ideas that I am genuinely passionate about. Earth theology has been "earth-shattering" if you will excuse my pun. ;) It has been so wonderful to learn why I've always felt such an innate connection to nature and protecting the Earth and others with my theology/religion/and faith. Truly marvelous, it has been. Furthermore, I have had the opportunity to be a teacher's assistant to one of my favorite professor's on campus to an incoming freshman class. I like having the chance to meet new students and hopefully have an impact on their transformative experience at LaGrange College- as other upperclassmen have had on mine. Then finally I decided to step out of my comfort zone completely and take a class that would be challenging yet interesting. Last but not least, I am taking social psychology. Essentially this class is the study of the effects of social interactions on people and visa versa. Anyway, it is all fresh, challenging, interesting knowledge that I am thrilled everyday to learn more about.
But amidst the goodness, I have surely been facing trials. Adjusting back into the world of LaGrange College no longer as just a normal college student has beens strangely difficult. People can't seem to figure out where to place me. Yes, I'm a student...but I only have classes on Tues./Thurs.- so I'm not like a real student. Yes, I am a Senior but I am married...so that's too different too. Yes, I'm a commuter but I haven't always been a commuter so that's too much change. I'm learning that people just aren't sure where to place me it and seems to be a challenge for them to accept.
Although all of my new classes are exciting and wonderful... learning about such deep, challenging material is just draining. I leave class every tuesday + thursday completely exhausted. My mind is wiped, my brain is numb. Ask any religion major...I guarantee we've all felt moments where the depth and the intensity of what we study seems to overwhelm.
On top of all of these things...I am devastated at the discord in our world right now. Everywhere I turn there is poverty, oppression, devastation, and prejudice. I'm writing a 25 page paper on the prejudice of women. I had to present an article in class on the oppression of the women of Afghanistan, right after I listened to article after article discussing the devastation of Syria. I listened to speeches about the poverty of foreign sweatshop workers. Even when Ben and I went to the movies, I couldn't escape the pain that is just too true when we saw Lee Daniel's the Butler- my heart broke watching the effects of racism dominate a country; and the greed and hatred that power ensued.
I've been challenged and confused and exhausted to boot. I became submerged. The good began to stop outweighing the bad. It was all just blurry.
But not tonight.
Tonight... my cloud was broken.
Jesus spoke through my haze.
I love this.
"Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties.... Remember that Joy is not dependent on your circumstances." (Jesus Calling)
These words lead me to Habakkuk 3: 17-19..which is too beautiful not to share.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the field produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
He enables me to go on the heights."
-Habakkuk 3:17-19
All of these issues are things that should challenge, dishearten, engage and perhaps even enrage us... but it can no longer steal my joy. For I have joy that comes from knowing, serving and loving a Lord who holds Syria, women from Afghanistan, Cecil the butler, those trapped in sex slavery and myself all in the same hand.... therefore I will be joyful in God my Savior.
But amidst the goodness, I have surely been facing trials. Adjusting back into the world of LaGrange College no longer as just a normal college student has beens strangely difficult. People can't seem to figure out where to place me. Yes, I'm a student...but I only have classes on Tues./Thurs.- so I'm not like a real student. Yes, I am a Senior but I am married...so that's too different too. Yes, I'm a commuter but I haven't always been a commuter so that's too much change. I'm learning that people just aren't sure where to place me it and seems to be a challenge for them to accept.
Although all of my new classes are exciting and wonderful... learning about such deep, challenging material is just draining. I leave class every tuesday + thursday completely exhausted. My mind is wiped, my brain is numb. Ask any religion major...I guarantee we've all felt moments where the depth and the intensity of what we study seems to overwhelm.
On top of all of these things...I am devastated at the discord in our world right now. Everywhere I turn there is poverty, oppression, devastation, and prejudice. I'm writing a 25 page paper on the prejudice of women. I had to present an article in class on the oppression of the women of Afghanistan, right after I listened to article after article discussing the devastation of Syria. I listened to speeches about the poverty of foreign sweatshop workers. Even when Ben and I went to the movies, I couldn't escape the pain that is just too true when we saw Lee Daniel's the Butler- my heart broke watching the effects of racism dominate a country; and the greed and hatred that power ensued.
I've been challenged and confused and exhausted to boot. I became submerged. The good began to stop outweighing the bad. It was all just blurry.
But not tonight.
Tonight... my cloud was broken.
Jesus spoke through my haze.
I love this.
"Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties.... Remember that Joy is not dependent on your circumstances." (Jesus Calling)
These words lead me to Habakkuk 3: 17-19..which is too beautiful not to share.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the field produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
He enables me to go on the heights."
-Habakkuk 3:17-19
All of these issues are things that should challenge, dishearten, engage and perhaps even enrage us... but it can no longer steal my joy. For I have joy that comes from knowing, serving and loving a Lord who holds Syria, women from Afghanistan, Cecil the butler, those trapped in sex slavery and myself all in the same hand.... therefore I will be joyful in God my Savior.
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